Reality of Weighting

I just got my high speed internet yesterday afternoon, so I can FINALLY get online without wanting to gouge my eyes out waiting for pages to load. I am still in disbelief that out here in the middle of south central Montana that I can get DSL. I have to drive 4 miles of gravel roads just to get to the bus stop, and there are deer, fox, rabbits plus a myriad of other critters in my front yard every morning….but I have high speed.

Gotta love technology!

I will post pics of the house and surrounding areas soon, but let me just say that we LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it here. This is one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen in my life. Our cabin is wonderful, and the full daylight, walk out basement has several rooms, so I am going to be setting up a large studio, a play room for the kids, a guest room, laundry room, and a workshop downstairs.

We’re surrounded by land. To the south, unobstructed views of the Beartooth Mountains, which are snow capped earlier in the season than expected. To the east, rolling hills, flanked on one side by Davidson Creek, a popular hang out for mule and whitetail deer. There are also a bunch of rabbits who like to play back there. It looks like popcorn popping when we look off our back deck in the mornings.

To the west, we have a lovely meadow, also flanked by the creek on one side, and the 150 year old cottage and aspen grove on the other. Just this morning, as I walked down the front steps to take Sophie to the bus stop (her first ride on a school bus), three lovely deer were standing in my front yard, looking at me like “dude, who are you??”.

We head north to get to the bus stop, traveling past a great old barn, where Scott will have his work shop, and our neighbor’s house. Shaleen and Luis live there with their four daughters, the youngest of which, Ali, is Sophia’s new friend. They are great people, and have really welcomed us to this area.

Most of our local shopping, and the girls’ schools are in Absarokee, a small town of 1400 people. It’s a beautiful little town, and the people couldn’t be friendlier. I’ve met so many others who lived in Washington or Oregon before coming out here. We have a tiny IGA grocery store, which is actually really well stocked, but if we need to do “big” shopping, we head out 40 miles to Laurel and the new Wal-Mart Supercenter.

I’m still adjusting to waking Sophie up at 6:30 so we can be at the bus stop at 7:15, but I think everything will smooth out once we’re not staying up late to unpack, and the house is all put together. I’m off to town in a little bit to pick up pink food coloring for the cupcakes I’m making for Stephanie’s birthday celebration tomorrow at preschool, then the hardware store for a plug for the dryer, then picking Sophie and Ali up from kindergarten, and if these clouds burn off, I promised to walk to the lake with the girls for a picnic.

All in all, this place is amazing, and we are so happy to be here!

Hey you guys so this is not a happy post….I spoke with my mom yesterday who told me my 48 year old uncle passed away…he has two kids 8 and 4…I was pregnant with my aunt the exact same time and my son is just 4 days older than theirs. …There will be an autopsy today but am thinking he had a heart attack…it runs in the family especially the men on that side. My grandma is 87 and this is her second son she has had to bury…This is going to kill her….I am trying to find flights to get back to NY….sorry to drop the bomb….just a reminder of how important it is to take good care of ourselves….

So anyways, about the wedding! Things went great…a few little blahs, but not horrible ones! MY DRESS FIT!! YEAH!!! I felt like a heffer, but my dress fit! That is all that matters!

We had no problems doing my sister’s hair; however, my sister’s hair had a problem with staying curled. By the end of the day it was straight…and I mean STRAIGHT!! At least it stayed curly for the ceremony and pictures. She looked so pretty though.

I could not find my camera before we left (I looked for it for an hour and a half!) and could not find it anywhere!! So I will have to wait for my sister and parents to send me some so I can show you how it all looked (but now the pictures are not loading…help?!). We were a little worried that it was going to rain during the ceremony; thank goodness it only rained before and after! Like 5 min after taking pictures, after the ceremony, it began to rain. Once we were in the reception area it began to pour!! But it was nice because it cooled down and the wonderful, fresh smell of the mountains filled the air. It was so pretty!

The only other thing that was disappointing, were the people! I don’t know what people think anymore! Either they don’t think, or they are all poopers! A ton of people left early, didn’t even see them cut the cake (let alone eat it). There was WAY over half of the cake left over! And it was damn good cake! Also, the gifts that people got. Oh my, people these days! I would say half of the people did not bring a gift, and then the gifts she got were things she did not want or need…there is a reason why they created 2 registries people! Oh man…some people’s children! LOL Oh and I have a question for you all that are married…when you got married…the people that could not attend, did they still send you a card or a gift by mail? I thought people still did that…but I guess not…?? Anyways, enough bickering!

I began to feel the little dude in my tummy moving more, which makes me happy cause it seemed like I would never feel him move. I just hope I begin to feel him moving more consistently! I can’t believe that I am in the double digits (70 more days). Man the time is flying! I will be happy for a change when it begins to get cold outside! That will just mean that his due date will be closer. Other than everything else, the pregnancy is going well and I have been able to control my glucose levels with diet (THANK GOD, there is no way I would be able to do insulin). I am having an exciting appointment on the 8th of this month…we will get to see our little guy in 3D/4D!! I will share those pics with you too…if I can get this program to work here! Anyways…laters!!!

Oh yeah, we’re on our way to Montana tomorrow night! We just picked up the world’s largest flipping Uhaul truck and trailer for our car. Sophie thinks it’s the coolest thing ever, while Scott and I mentally calculate the cost of gas for a 60 gallon tank that gets 6-8 MPG. LOL!

Sometime today, my internet will be off, so unless I have a connection at the hotel we’re staying in Saturday, I won’t be online until Sunday at the earliest. I have a dial up provider until my high speed gets installed next week sometime.

Now I’m off to drop the girls at their grandparents’ house for the day so Scott and I can pack this beast.

Love to all! Carrie

It has been a while since I have blogged but I am still here, plugging along. I come on the site to check in, occasionally. I have to admit that I’m sad that there isn’t as much activity on our site as there once was. Maybe we’re all just busy doing the summer thing?? I am just as much to blame as everyone else for the lack of activity but I’m here, my friends! Wondering how all of you are doing, not just weight loss but in life.

There is no way to beat around the bush about this so I’m just gonna say it, I have had a crappy year and my weight loss reflects it. I wish I could separate my emotions from food instead of them being so intensely tied together. I can’t get either of them out of the other’s realm. This past year I’ve moved, struggled to find a new support system (i.e. friends), nursed a kid back to health after 2 surgeries, lived in another state for 2 months while she recovered, dealt with many family/marital issues, struggled to find my identity outside of being mom, decided I need to go back to school…..and the list goes on and on.

All of these things have in many ways defeated me, as a person. I have let them consume and torment me - and I feel like such a victim. I am so done feeling this way. I’m not a victim, this is my life damnit, and I am reclaiming it. I can’t handle feeling like I don’t have a say in what is going on in my life. I have held many pity parties and I’m very much done now. I’m awake, I’m alive and I’m not only participating in my life, I am taking control of it again.

So as I find my way back toward the road of enlightenment and good health, I need to find some answers to why it is that I allow this constant struggle to continue. I work out only to eat the calories I burn. I fall into old patterns of starving myself only to gorge the next day. Why on earth do I allow this? Maybe somewhere deep down, I’m scared to death of that brass ring, being thin? Maybe I just don’t love myself enough? I’ve been raised to be a fat chick so I’m just living my destiny? I don’t know what the answer is but I’m ready to find out. The cycle has to break. I know I can do the work, count the calories, eat the healthy food so why don’t I just friggin’ do it? Sigh…

With that in mind, I’ve decided to crack the cycle by devising a plan which revolves around some great advice from our very own Terena. She said she thinks of her body differently now, she thinks of herself as an athlete in training. Every bite she takes is questioned as to its efficiency in running “the machine” that is her body. Her job is getting healthy and she takes it very seriously. That advice became an “a-ha” moment for me. I am such a wannabe athlete/yogi and I just never take myself seriously. I have the desire, I have the ability, but the self confidence and discipline waivers. How do I overcome that?

My plan is to sign up for a Half Marathon and to train for it. I need information on how to eat properly while training, how to get those nutrients my body will need to get me through it all. I’m going to write little notes to myself again and put them around the house and focus on being that kick butt Athlete that I know is in there. For me, the idea of being thin is cool and all, but I just don’t think it was ever enough for me. Looking skinny probably rocks, but feeling fit, toned, healthy… now that is my brass ring.

So here I am again, but this time, I’m not just reaching out to you gals. This time I’m rallying the troops. Are you in? Wanna run a half marathon with me or just train together (virtually, if nothing else)? I’ve got new running shoes, inspiration, stamina, drive, now I just need some friends to do it with me.

No drama, no excuses.

Ash

So I think all of you can relate to those weeks were you feel like your just learning to ‘doggie paddle’ in the deep end. All you hope to do is keep your head above the water. That’s what this week is like for me. Every part of me wants to run out, grab a bag of chips, and eat the whole bag. But somewhere during this journey I’ve learnt that won’t solve a thing. So instead my ROW friends I’ve come here to blog:)

This week-end we have an awesome event happening…my brother and SIL are having a 25th wedding anniversary party. It will be so much fun, like a big family reunion. They live about 3 hrs from here, but we are hosting it at my dad’s in my hometown. For some reason tonight I’m feeling this weight on my shoulders. Wanting this to be nice for them, stressing about how we will cook for 100 people on 2 BBQ’S….I want this to be stress free for my brother…he is having a tough week already…more on that in a minute. I’m sure everything will go great, and everyone will enjoy each other’s company:) Fingers crossed!

Yesterday my hubbie calls from work….a co-worker was in a major accident. Then this am we learn he died during the night. It was very sad to learn, and with him being only 51 it once again stressed to us how important each day is! Because it truly can change in a heartbeat. My hubbie is a tough guy, and it’s so hard to see him sad.

Now my toughest battle of the day…..my 22 yr old niece is flying to Korea on Sat, for 12 months to teach. I just had my last call with her, saying good-bye, be safe, and that I love her, was so much harder then I thought it would be. Kinda feels like my heart has been stomped on. Crying in the shower for 10 minutes had helped…LOL. Now this niece is my brother’s eldest, and her flight leaves the same day as his 25th anniversary party!! Talk about tough! She was to be gone already but had to change flights when her Visa took longer then she thought to come through. So will be a day full of mixed emotions for them.

So that’s my week. Add on work, not to mention I’m on days, hubbie is on evenings….and I’m just barely keeping my head above that water. The good news….I’m not stress eating! It actually makes me feel empowered to understand that is the ONE thing I can control this week….and I will continue to do so:)
Sorry for the rant to anyone who is still reading this;) LOL

Wow, can you believe summer is almost gone??? In less than a week I’ll have returned to the school year schedule. Sigh. I will miss my leisurely wake ups in the morning. It’s been good to be back in my classroom the past 2 weeks, getting things ready and what not. It’s nice to see my school pals every day again and be busy doing something other than thinking about food!

With the impending wedding dress…and wedding night…I can no longer be a slacker when it comes to weight loss! I’ve decided not to try to be at goal (140-150) by the wedding, because I know that will add extra stress. I was sitting at 225 when I weight myself sometime last week, and decided to shoot for 50 pounds. 25 lost by Thanksgiving, which is when I’m going to go dress shopping….then the other 25 lost by May. 175 is the lowest I’ve ever been, and I know it’s not only achievable, but maintainable without starving myself. Plus, Isaac (my fiance! eeeeee -i still love that word!!), and I have talked about it…and he’s so sweet, he keeps saying how much he loves me just the way I am, and that he doesn’t want me to be too skinny…and he’s requested that I not lose the boob weight too - haha!! Men! I told him not to worry, the women in my family are all well-endowed. Last night he made my night as we were walking out to the car…I was wearing this pair of jeans (Gap Curvy Flare!) that he says my butt looks awesome in, and I was walking in front of him and he goes “Man you look so hot in those…” - that sure adds a little spring to the step!

As for wedding details, as soon as he finishes asking his groomsmen and we set an official date, I’ll put our webpage link up. Our colors are black and white with raspberry/fuschia pink accents. We’re doing an outdoor ceremony, so I’m looking for cocktail or tea length black dresses with white or raspberry accents for the girls, and we’re thinking we’ll go with just black pants, white shirts, and some sort of tie with raspberry in it for the guys. The date will either be Friday, June 19 or Friday June 26 at around 6:30 in the evening - so asking a guy to stand outside in June

My sister phoned me this morning and screamed into the phone “SAY HELL TO YOUR FUTURE BROTHER!” Er - what the hell? I thought. Apparently my sister and her boyfriend got engaged while they were in the Bahamas. I don’t know why I didn’t see this coming. They were going on a tropical vacation and they’ve been dating for over 3 years. I guess part of me was just hoping that they would break up before it ever got to this point.

But it has - and I wish I could say I was happy. Because I mean, I’m supposed to be happy for her, right? You don’t have many engagements in your life and I didn’t want to ruin the high she was on. But I couldn’t act like I was jumping for joy if I wasn’t. I just don’t have that type of ability.

She’s only 21. And her boyfriend is a nice guy - but that’s it. He’s got some issues that don’t exactly make him what I would consider marriage-forever-and-ever material. I wish she would sit back and not look at this situation through rose-colored glasses. She needs to address the negative things, especially with someone you’re going to be spending the rest of your life with someone. Just that term - “rest of your life” freaks me out. Can you tell I’m not ready to get married?

I just don’t want him to be part of my family. I don’t want change. I don’t like change like that. He’s not my brother, he’s not my parents son, he’s not my grandparents grandson - don’t force that on everyone. He’s the person YOU’VE chose to spend your life with. His relationship to me doesn’t change because of a decision YOU made. He’s still your partner to me - that’s it. Don’t try and make it more than it is.

And I know I’m sounding so hateful - but it just doesn’t feel right to me. And I know it’s not my life and not my decision, and that’s fine. But I can still have an opinion. And my opinion is…this sucks.

I’ve been studying the coursework since early this year, and decided I was ready to take the test, to see if I needed some continued study, or if I was, indeed prepared for this exam. I ended up scoring in the 91st percentile, more than 30 points over what was required to pass. Yay!

So, I’m going to use that certification to reach even more folks, and to help me design programs for those who will be taking part in my yoga/fitness retreats once we get to Montana. Next step is the Sports Nutrition exam, which I plan to take next week.

I’m thrilled to have made this step in my career, and look forward to all the people I will be able to help as a result.

I may not be at my final goal yet, but I’m going to wear this progress I have made with pride, and enjoy every step of the journey.

Man, I love the way that sounds!! I did it…. I really did it!! I am oficially a triathlete. Can you believe it? I mean, really? I just keep thinking how this once was not even considered a possibility for me… and at over 300 pounds that was just reality. I changed that reality… I changed my eating habits, I created exercise habits, I changed my way of thinking. I became an athlete. Saturday morning I put all of my training and hard work to the test… I swam a half mile in the lake, I biked 16.2 miles on beautiful, rolling terrain, and I ran 3 miles. I completed my first triathlon…. and I did it in one hour and 52 minutes!! Not bad, if I do say so myself!!
I was prepared to be nervous and anxious, but to my surprise, I wasn’t. I just kept thinking that this was the day I had been training so hard for, and that I was more than ready to compete. Gone were the negative thoughts I had experienced prior to the half-marathon, gone were the “you are too big to be here” mental bashing in my head, gone was the old Terena. In her place stood a confident, excited, physically prepared athlete, ready and able to finish the race set before me. I can only sum it up as awesome!
That sums it up… but here are the details!…..
The swim was in the lake. For those of you who know me well, you know I am a “girly-girl!!” I don’t like being dirty, and I only swim in water that I can see all the way to the bottom in. Since this pretty much eliminates any body of water I have ever been around, with the exception of swimming pools, I have stuck to the swimming pools!! So, needless to say, the lake was new to me. The swim was hard, with the water being too dark to see, mill-weed hanging on my arms, and my goggles fogged up so it was hard to see the buoys. Still, even with all of that, I set a new personal record for the swim!!
The bike was next. Most of you know that spinning class has been my life lately… going to five a week for the last 5 months. I have so wanted a real road bike, but we hadn’t been able to get one. Once we finally were able to buy one, we couldn’t find the one I wanted. This past Wednesday, my husband finally found the bike in Cincinnatti, Ohio. He left Alabama at 3 am Thursday morning and drove to Ohio to buy the bike, turned around and drove all the way back home, meeting me at the Bike store here to get me set up on the bike. What can I say, except that I am blessed beyond words by a husband that loves me beyond measure. The feeling is mutual!! I went back to the bike store Friday morning to finish the set up, and was able to take my bike out for 12 miles Friday afternoon. The next time I was on the bike was during the race!! That is crazy… no one does that!! For those of you unfamiliar with cycling, it isn’t just get on and ride… you wear special cycling shoes that clip in and out of your pedals, and it can be a bit tricky learning to do this. Factor in the thousnad different gears, and wow… it is a lot to learn!! Despite all of that… I did it, and I did it really well!!
Next was the 3 mile run, which I was not worried about prior to the race at all… running is “my thing!!” I have gotten down to a 9:30 pace in training, but wow… my legs at this point felt like concrete pillars. I survived the run, but with an 11:30 pace… but hey, I did it!!
My parents drove all the way from Atlanta that morning just to cheer me on. They said it wasn’t every day that their daughter crossed the finish line of a triathlon, and they wanted to be there to see it! I could hear my Daddy yelling every time I was within ear-shot!! SO cool!! My hubby and four kiddos were also there cheering me on, and my husband was like a professional photographer snapping pictures the whole time!! (Check out my myspace page to see them all… http://www.myspace.com/Luvlife28 )
It was one of the best days of my life. There is just no way to describe how it feels to accomplish such a big dream. I did it. I really did it! I am a triathlete!!

LUV!!
Terena